Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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