I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
