Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
