I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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