Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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