Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
