Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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