I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
