You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
