peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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