she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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