And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
