guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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