You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
