My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
