I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
