We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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