I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
