The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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