what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
