I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
