Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
