pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize