oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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