this just has baby written all over it
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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