Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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