I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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