It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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