oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
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just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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