I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
