Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
