The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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