hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
