I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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