At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
These tits shall not be calmed
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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