I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
