Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
