My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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