I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
