Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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