I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
