just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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