i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Randomize