no, he came in my armpit
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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