I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
