My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
