My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize