I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
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