Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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