Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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