You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
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I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
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I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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