New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
