You're my little dorito
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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