I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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