C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She told me I should be a condom model.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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