he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
