my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
