Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We talked him into tasing himself.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
